I Can't Turn Back

There's no point of going home anymore.

I'm probably not welcome and I doubt there's a 'home' to go back to. I doubt there's a loving family waiting for someone like me. And I doubt that my s-Chrissie'll ever forgive me. She probably hates me almost as much as I hate myself.

That's usually how things are.

No one can hate you more than you can hate yourself. And no one'll love someone like me. This horrid,inhuman beast. I'm not fit to go back to where the 'normal' people of society are. Not fit for most the things in life.

It's my fault really. Should have just died a long ass time ago like most of the 'dolls' that bitch makes. How I survived this long is a wonder. But I guess she just made me a bit tougher than most. Well maybe not tougher but a bit better in comparison to the others. Cuz if anything,I'm not tough. Nor brave. Nor smart. Nor am I fit to live anymore.

After all this. I'm going to get a knife and go find that beast again. I doubt I'm going to kill it. Its so much bigger than I am and has more arms. But at least I'll go down fighting.

To my family..if any of you ever read this. I love you all.

To my friends. I'm so sorry for not being good enough.

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I Fed On Her

And I still want more. I'm so hungry and that barely diminished my pains. There has to be a way to get more of this. So fucking hungry. I reeeeally neeeeed to feeeeeeeeeeeed...so fucking hungry.

Wait...

Wait....

I smell someone. I can smell blood...there's an injured person near here...must feed...must feed...

feed feed feed feed

...must feed..dig up body,who will care? She is dead,no time to despair. Must feed..must feed. I must stop this need. It'll be tiring that is true. But I won't care when this is through. Must feed..must feed....must feeed...

Gnawing Hunger

I tried to eat the fruit that I brought with me and it isn't helping my stomach. It hurts so much and yet I can't somehow feel any better. Everything I eat doesn't satisfy me in the slightest bit. No matter how much I eat,I don't feel full or well.

Can't be the food. It's fresh and doesn't smell bad.

Am I getting sick? No,I would've noticed something was up by now. I don't usually get hungry when I'm sick anyways. Usually I don't even want to eat anything when I'm sick. All I want to do is sleep. And I'm not even tired right now. I feel so..so energetic actually. Like I can do anything now.

Well almost..ghh..dear god why am I still so hungry? It's not fair! I have been eating and yet I still stay so god damned hungry! Uggh...Anyone have any ideas on how to make this stop?

RELAPSED

..did that really just happen?

Did I really just hurt someone? Again? Even though I promised myself that I would never do that sort of thing ever again? Even though that person was trying to help? They promised that they wouldn't hurt me. And I attacked them.

I killed her.

I killed another innocent person who was just trying to help. And wasn't deserving of murder. I am a disgusting hum-creature. Not human. Not a doll. Just a thing with green ooze in my veins. Just a stupid,violent and cruel creature.

One who killed for no reason.

Before I would've blamed anyone for this. Splinter Bitch and Glowy Fuckhead. Hell I would've blamed the smooth-faced fucker too.

Now none of them are around. And all I have to blame is myself for this disgusting thing I have done to this poor person. To this innocent person. I will bury her. Make a grave for this person. It's the right thing to do. I know it is.

I just hope I don't have to make more.

It Freezes

I am a fool.

I touched the creature thinking that I could harm it and only ended up getting beaten.

That's the price of arrogance.

Now it's harder to move and harder to breathe.

I am a fool and now...I slowly take my leave...

There's A Pure Smell To The Air

It smells like winter is coming.

That soft,gentle smell that says it just snowed. Yet there's not a flake on the ground outside. Not yet anyway. Though the air is getting colder and colder. I fear that it will start soon. That'll mean it'll be hard to get food and I'll have to find better shoes. So I guess tonight I'm stocking up on things to eat as well as more firewood just in case.

Been getting the weirdest feeling that it isn't flat out normal weather. And that I might have a certain blue colored youngin' to thank for that. Though I guess I'll deal with his frost bitten little ass when and if he gets here.

Let's hope that I don't have to.

The Day The Ground Shook

For a good portion of today the ground was moving. Like it was either an earthquake or something big was coming my way. It only stopped 5 hours ago and I'm still worried that something might be coming soon. I don't wish to leave this place. This place with places to sleep,food to eat and warmth.

I'll only leave if the weird movement happens again.

Only if it happens again. Which I highly doubt that it will. After all it could have just been some form of earthquake or something. Doesn't mean that there's a creature after me. The big creature from before didn't make this sort of noise. And I would've heard this thing if it was real before.

Right?

Right!

Now I gotta get more firewood. Whoever owned this place didn't keep enough for a whole year,lazy bastards. At least the forest is plentiful and there's an ax here. Good defensive tool if there is anything bad out there. Hope I won't have to use it on someone.